Much deserved praise

I recently came across a blog exchange site called BlogAdvance. I’ve only been a member for about 24 hours, but I‘m already very excited about the opportunities that it will offer. I think the best feature that it has is their forum area. You can go there and interact with other bloggers with similar interests and even ask your peers to critic your blog. This is really great for someone new to this whole thing like me. It gives you an idea of what actually makes people interested in a blog and why they continue to come back.

(Warning: Drunken Tangent Follows)
I have to admit that when I first started this thing it was sort of a way for me to spew the mental diarrhea that is in my head. But as I’ve wandered through other peoples blogs I’ve become more interested in getting people to stop by my place and sit for a while. I think the driving force behind most people’s lives is that they want to make an impact in the world. With the advent of the electronic age I think people are realizing not only how diverse we are, but how similar we are. Blogging is a great way to connect to people not only in your immediate circle, but also people across the world.
I guess maybe it’s a little egotistic of me, but I like to think that when someone else reads my posts is will resonate with them and maybe help them with something that they are experiencing in their own lives. Or maybe it’s just the wine talking. : )
(End of Drunken Tangent)

Sorry I got off the main point of this entry which is BlogAdvance I feel just in the short time that I have been involved that this organization is a true Internet Community or at least has the potential for it. Five stars for the developers. You have a great thing going here. Also I want to thank the kind people that gave me suggestions to help improve my blog. I will definitely take your suggestions to heart and implement them. In fact I went back through several of my posts and implemented their suggestions (at least to the best of my ability with my lack of sleep). I look forward to talking more to you guys.

Buddhas and tear stained pillows

Category: Romance/Dating
I’ve been thinking lately that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to take so many of S’s things. At the time it seemed harmless and I just couldn’t bare the thought of them winding up in the garbage. Especially the Buddha statues that he had. But I keep on thinking about the notion that people imprint a little bit of their energy onto their personal items. Especially things that have emotional meaning to them. Plus just the constant visual reminder of him is a little disconcerting.
I know what some of you are thinking, “Oh my God when did she become a crunchy, granola new age freak?” Well it is something I believe and since I believe it, it affects me. Right now the Buddhas are on top of my dresser in my bedroom. I feel like this isn’t a good idea. I keep on thinking I should do a cleansing ritual which involves some of the stuff that I took. It can’t hurt and plus it might help me close the chapter in my life that included him. I have to do research and of course I don’t have the time or energy right now to do that. Oh well, I guess there can’t really be any harm in it. In fact maybe if I incorporate them more into my life they’ll actually help me .If it becomes too much for me I can always move them into the living room.


I was doing some research on what the figures symbolizes and from what I’ve found so far maybe they were meant to come into my life. I feel like things happen for a purpose. Eventually you get the opportunity to look back on trials that have happened in your life and learn from them.

Buddha in meditation pose. It symbolizes the perfect balance between thought and tranquility. Coincedence?

It is frustrating that I didn’t get a chance to learn more about S before he left. I have to say that there were so many things that he had as personal possessions that really clicked with me. I’m kinda surprised that he never really said anything. After all he has been in my room several times. Granted he wasn’t really there for the cultural significance. But there were times when we weren’t breathing heavily. ; )

I feel like we’ll continue to be friends though. I’m pretty sure that’s not wishful thinking. If anything my biggest clue was the fact that he kissed me goodbye when I saw him last. I wasn’t really expecting to get a kiss goodbye. Maybe it was out of habit. I was just going for a hug. At least I thought I was. Who knows? You know it was a pretty sappy romantic scene now that I think about it.
(Insert sappy music here) The final goodbye, rain pouring down around us. A cab waiting to whisk me away. One final kiss under a street light.
Geez, maybe I should try wrting romances. I have a pretty keen turn of phrase. Well I have noticed that I have strayed form the subject yet again. I guess I’ll end this here. I think I’m going to start working on an email that I’ll send to him at the end of the week. I have a feeling that there will be several revisions. Alls well for now. Hopefully tonight I’ll be able to make it through the night with a dry pillow. If not tonight then soon. Time heals all.

I finally broke

Category: Romance/Dating
So last night I broke down. I was doing so well. I was so proud of myself. Granted I was a little pissy Wednesday morning at work, but other than that I acted like it wasn’t a big deal. I went out for drinks with Mer. and talked about it a little bit. I went over to S’s house Friday night and helped him pack up or throw out all his stuff. Even then I wasn’t really emotional. We laughed and joked and had a good time. I even took some of his stuff home with me.

In retrospect may not have been a good idea. After all that stuff is going to be in m house and I’m going to look at it and remember who used to own it. There isn’t a huge emotional attachment to any of it for me really. But it used to be his. I wonder if maybe m taking his stuff wasn’t a way for me to keep him with me? Oh, well. If I start getting upset every time I look at his things I’ll just throw them out.
But let me get to the subject at hand. My break down. I want over to The Marks for some drinks and the subject came up so I started talking about it. As Steph. and I were leaving I guess it all just caught up to me and I realized how unhappy I really was. And how hurt that I was. And it really pissed me off. Because no matter how good of a guy he was I don’t feel like he was worth crying over.

I hate crying, it shows weakness. When you cry you show the person that has hurt you undoubtly that his actions have hit home and injured you. And when it comes to men I’ve only dated one guy in m life that it was worth getting that worked up over. And S wasn’t him. I really liked S and he is one of the good ones. I don’t begrudge him for following his dreams. In fact I applaud him. I hope that if I ever get the opportunity that I’ll be able to make the decision that he made.

But it still hurts A LOT. And I want to be so angry with him and I can’t. Because I know that I’d be more upset with him if he had chosen to stay here.
The thing that really sucks is that now that I’ve finally broken down I find it hard to keep my eyes dry. I’ll randomly start thinking about him and my eyes will start to water up. Even while writing this entry my eyes are filling up and I have to stop every once in a while to clear then. I HATE THAT!!!! I hate that men can do this to us. I was doing so good. This is why I don’t trust men and I don’t give my heart to them. I keep on getting hurt. I know I wasn’t in love with him. I know that our relationship probably wasn’t going anywhere. But that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I was left.
  

    

Some not so surprising news

So I just got off of the phone with S. He told me some information that I have to say I'm not so surprised to hear. A few weeks ago S told me that he was planning on moving to L.A. He has friends out there who have projects in the works for what he ultimately wants to do. Which is write and act. I know surprising. But I just finished working on a show that he co-wrote and it was pretty good and funny. Also I may be biased, but he is a good actor. So anyways his lease is up in September and he was trying to decide whether to move out there in September or later in the year.
Tonight he told me that he's flying out there on Saturday. I had a feeling this was going to happen. I mean he really doesn't have any solid ties here. I think when he was seeing his Ex maybe that was something that was keeping him here. But I'm really just a girl that he's been seeing for the past few months. There isn't any real emotional attachment or commitment to me. I have to admit I’m a little unhappy. But I think it's mostly selfish. He is a really good bed partner.

Apparently Friday he's going to have people over and offer up a bunch of his stuff and have a sort of party. Which is cool. I'll definitely go to that. I guess I have to be happy for the electronic revolution in one aspect. We can still keep in touch through email.
Last night I was trying to figure out why it was important for me to stay connected to him. Because in all honesty any other guy I would have stopped calling him when he didn't return my phone calls. But then I got a jolt and I realized there is a reason. I don't know what it is yet, but someday I'll be happy that we remained friends.
For now I'm just going to use him as an excuse to visit L. A. I've always wanted to visit there and now I know someone, intimately that will be living there. So when winter gets to be too much for me I'll have a couch to sleep on.
I am going to miss him though. He is a good guy and I really enjoyed his company. Oh well...

You know I realized that I kind of predicted something like this would happen when I was talking to my sister. I made a comment that I never really stay in a relationship for longer than three months. And that's basically what happened. In fact I bought just enough birth control to last the length of our relationship. How creepy is that? Well I'm going to have to call Mer. now and we'll have drinks and comment on how much guys suck

Of course it's not like I'm going to pine for long. I've already started searching the online dating sites. Like I said I had a feeling this was coming. S obviously isn't the one for me, but I'm sure he's out there somewhere. I'm not going to wait for him to come to me though. God helps those that help themselves after all.          

My new toy...

So I recently purchased an MP3 player. Which I have to say is one of the best inventions man as come up with. I think it's amazing that I can carry around all of my favorite songs with me right in my pocket! The thing I love the most about it is the entertainment value. I take public transportation to get to work, but my commute isn't long enough to really enjoy a good book. I was getting frustrated because just when it would get to the good part I'd have to put the book away. But with my new toy I can be entertained for my entire commute. I've also noticed how my stride has changed when I'm walking to and from the "L" station. I think I may have cut at least a couple minutes off my walk.
I've set up a playlist which I call "walking" and it has a bunch of upbeat songs on it. I just put in the headphones and off I go.
The other hysterical thing I think is my body language. I don't know what other people are listening to, but my songs are sing along, move your body songs. I find it difficult to keep my city face when I have Aretha wailing Respect in my ears.
I have to say I don't know how I got along without this little thing. I will certainly be sad if it were to be removed from my life.
Well I'm done singing the praises of the MP3 player. Particularly the Zen Micro by Creative. I know shameless plug, but I want to show you what my new toy looks like and I don't think the Creative people would appreciate it if I didn't say it was their work. Plus I think there's some laws inolved or something. I felt the need to share.
Maybe I'll be more angst ridden next time.
For now I'm going to fall asleep to the soothing sounds of Enya.

This thing is great!!! (Mine is Dark Blue though, a much better color in my humble opinion)


My new toy!!!