Where was I...

Category: Romance/Dating

I really should be sleeping right now, but I was thinking about a comment that my roommate made to me while we were walking home from a Halloween party and I felt the need to rant for a little bit.

The thing that she said was, "Where was I when we all decided to pair off?"
It was in regards to the number of couples that were at the party we attended. And I had to agree with her. Quite a few of the people were close friends of ours, but some were people we had just met. It seemed like everywhere I turned there were people together. The quote kinda popped into my head as I was tossing and turning tonight and I decided if I wrote about it maybe it would go away and let me sleep.

The thing that really got to me was the number of guys I had flirted with; gone out with; or just plain slept with that had found significant others. Even one of my gay boyfriends had a boyfriend. And it sorta got me down. It makes me wonder what it is about me that makes me unattachable? I've got a bunch of positives...I'm attractive and funny. I've got a great sense of humor. I'm approachable and intelligent. There is just something about me that makes guys decide that they'd rather have a friendship with me than have a romantic relationship with me. And I have to say it's damn annoying. I miss doing couply things. I miss having someone to cuddle up with on a cold winter's night. I miss having relationship inside jokes and making other people sick to watch us.

I pretend that I'm indifferent to the whole thing and that it doesn't hurt, but it does sometimes. My mom is really great, every time I talk to her she reminds me about how I can do anthing I want because I don't have to worry about anyone else but myself. I have to admit that I do enjoy the freedom that single life entails. I also really enjoy all the fun stuff involved in being a couple though. I know what they say you can't look for a relationship it'll find you. And you'll know when you've met the right person. But I feel like at the age of 27 I've met a bunch of the really good guys and for one reason or another they haven't passed muster. After a while you start to wonder if it isn't them, but me that has the problem.

I guess you're wondering where this came from and I think the impetus was because of a phone call that I got from S a couple days ago. It wasn't anything life altering. He didn't confess undying love for me or anything like that. It was just kinda unexpected and out of the blue. I felt so flustered whenI was on the phone with him. I'm truly happy for him and I know that he's doing what he reall wants to do. It just sucks taht he had to move away rom me to do it. I know I'm not in love with him. I never was, but I did have true feelings for him and I miss having those feelings for someone. Even though I tell myself that I'm an independent, freespritied woman I think that deep down I'm a romantic. I think all women truly are no matter what the say that they are. And when you come realize that maybe romance isn't going to be a part of your life it really hurts. I know I'm young yet. There is plenty of time to find the one for me. But I'm also impatient and kinda tired of looking. Who knows maybe I'll meet that special someone tomorrow and it just wasn't our time yet. I hope he's out there somewhere. I want to have a wedding shower damn it!!! I know that this won't be resolved tonight and I really need to try and get some rest. But I felt the need to rant and now I think I'm done. But those of you that think you might know someone I'd like feel free to shoot him my way. I don't have any problem with going out on blind dates. Just so long as he doesn't mind me telling select details of our relationship to the blog-universe.