Imagination Me

I woke up super early this morning and for some reason I couldn’t get back to sleep. I was pissed. I guess it was okay because I did some thinking, sort of. I realized that I have this really active imagination. Actually I didn’t realize it, I’ve always known it. But I was thinking about it this morning as I was lying in bed.

I make up conversations to things that have happened to me. Or I'll make up whole scenarios about what I would like to happen. I even make up arguments that I think would be interesting. It makes me wonder if I'm always editing myself. I mean in my imagination I am so cleaver and sharp witted. I have just the right thing to say in any situtation. Why can’t I be like that in real life? Sometimes I feel passive and non-confrontational. But I don’t know how to make the imagination me come out in the real world. Does everyone have an imagination self? It’s always seemed easier to just go with the flow. I wonder though what kind of person would I be if I lived my life as the imagination person that I would like to be? How do you make that decision? I wonder if anyone has been able to do that.

Imagination me would be much more open with her feelings. She would know how to express her anger or frustration in a way that isn’t confrontational or whiney. Or maybe it is confrontational and that's what's needed. Imagination me would go balls to the wall about a perspective relationship and not worry about how it may end badly. Or if it won't end at all.

I envy imagination me. I’d like her to walk a mile in my shoes. Maybe things would be better off. But then if I became imagination me what would happen to her? Would she just fade away since I no longer need her? Or would she combine with me and become a conglomerate of the both of us? I don’t know that I have the courage to try. Is that sad? Gosh I wish that I had someone to ask. How do you bring up something like this to a friend... Or a lover even? Maybe that’s why the field of psychiatry was invented. So people could talk about their imagination selves and combine them into the real world. Maybe that’s what we’re all trying for in the end… to make our imagination selves real.

Well off to bed I go. I have a long day ahead of me. I’m sure I’ll think up more imaginary scenarios before I drift of to sleep. Maybe the reason why imagination me will never see the light of day is because I feel safer with her in the comfort of my bedroom.